impossiblenottolike: (Hand to Forehead)
[personal profile] impossiblenottolike
[ooc: from here.]

Yelena was not nervous. She did not get nervous, even if she was about to have a big important conversation with a friend about maybe being something more. Even if she was pretty sure that she wanted more she did not get nervous. So whatever this feeling she was feeling was not nervousness but something else.

And so maybe she was making like… way too much macaroni and cheese. It wasn’t stress cooking it was just making sure she had lots of leftovers. Yes, that was it. And making sure that Bucky had enough to eat because he was a big, strong, kind, handsome super soldier who probably ate lots of macaroni and cheese.

She also did not change out of her comfy outfit of leggings and a loose top into jeans and a nice blouse just because Bucky Barnes was coming over. No she did that just because it was entirely practical to wear less comfortable but nicer looking clothes at a time like this. She was not sure how it was more practical but she was declaring it so.

If Bucky did not get here soon though she was going to start field stripping and cleaning her weapons just for something to do to take her mind off of this big moment that was definitely not making her nervous.

Date: 2024-08-12 12:32 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (17302170)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
Bucky is nervous. He's definitely very nervous and he isn't sure if he can hide it. Being on a mission is one thing, but this? These are feelings. Feelings, along with a conversation, and he already knows how terrible he is at that kinda thing.

He tries not to stall, even though he wants to, but he knows it isn't fair to keep Yelena waiting. So he's quick with the drinks, grabbing something alcogholic and non-alcoholic. Who knows what she'll need by the end of this.

When he gets her place and buzzes up, he drags his fingers through his hair a few times, trying to fix it. Maybe he should have changed. Worn something nicer. Instead he's just in his usual long sleeves, jacket and gloves, with jeans. It's alright though. It has to be alright. This is gonna be alright.

If anything, they can just have a nice dinner together.

Date: 2024-08-12 02:46 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (xD6sliG)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
Her speaker message makes him laugh as he heads inside, and that already relieves a little bit of the tension that has built up inside of him. She always gets him to laugh, is the thing, and it's nice.

He doesn't even need to be this nervous and he knows it, he just really wants to do the right thing here.

He's up the stairs pretty quick, smiling a little when he sees her already standing there at the doorway. "Hi. I brought the drinks. Two kinds, actually. You look nice."

Date: 2024-08-12 03:13 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (17076111)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
"Well, it worked." The thing about Yelena is, she is very confident- and honest. Bucky appreciates it, even if it makes his brain stop in its tracks sometimes. Like with this. But since being reintroduced to the world- a much different world than he was used to, it's been hard figuring things out. Figuring people out. Half the time it almost feels like they're talking a language he barely knows, and he has to read between several lines, so he does appreciate her honesty.

He heads inside, giving her a small thanks when she tells him he looks nice. He sets the drinks down on the counter, pulling them out of the bag, then removes his jacket and his gloves, setting those aside too. That part is nice- that he doesn't have to hide so much of himself. Maybe that's why his two dates failed so incredibly.

Maybe it can be different with Yelena.

He wonders how they're going to bring it up, and he feels a little awkward, but then she tells him to come sit, and the rest of it comes flowing out of her too, which is pretty impressive. Then again, she always is. He bites at his lip, raising his eyebrows, as he lets out a soft, nervous laugh, but he goes to sit. "Oh good, now you get to see me blush in real time."

Date: 2024-08-12 04:13 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (17103611)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
"Hey, I'll have you know, my blush used to be life changing." Used to be, he says, as always, because that's not the man he is anymore. Back then, he might've been the one saying all of this with such confidence, but now?

Now, he listens to her lay it all out, and his brain tries to supply at least twenty reasons why this wouldn't work, right off the bat. He's sure it'll be a hundred more by the time dinner is over, but- it's also just so genuine and sweet. It's nice, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel the same in so many ways. The difference is, he's tried not to think about it.

That last part hits him the hardest though- not the thing about being his girl- though he absolutely adores that too, because it sounds so familiar- but the part about how she thinks life doesn't suck because there's him in it. The Winter Soldier. Bucky Barnes.

"I- uh." Breathe, Bucky. Breathe. "I don't know what to say. I'm... I just never thought..." Shit. He wanted to do this in person, but he's fumbling all over himself. He blows out a breath, dragging his hand across his face, but then he lets it fall against the table, reaching out for her hand. He needs to pull it together.

"You see how I am now? This is how I always am. This is how I feel always. Even though- I like you too. I like you a lot and you being my girl would be a dream, but- I'm an idiot who can barely handle this conversation." Another breath. "I'm scared. I'm scared of messing us up."

Date: 2024-08-12 05:29 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (17072493)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
There's a part of him that wants to tell her that she doesn't know what she's really asking for when she says she wants him to be her idiot, but- maybe she does. She knows what he's been through- maybe not all the ins and outs of it, but enough. She knows what it comes with, even now. How that sort of thing never really leaves you alone- not in your brain, not in your heart. Hell, physically for him too, and not just when it comes to his arm.

But she knows, because she went through so much of it too, and maybe she's right. She speaks so many truths.

There's nothing he enjoys more than when they're together. She's the best thing in his life right now, and if she really, truly feels that way about him too, then... "See, that's another thing. I'm wrong a lot. And as my girl, you're gonna have to tell me that all the time. I feel like that'll be less of a problem though."

Date: 2024-08-12 06:00 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (3769600-3)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
Yeah. Yeah, it's looking like she's gonna be Bucky Barnes' girl, and he's gonna be her guy. His stomach is doing a weird fluttering too, and her smile makes it even worse, but it's not a bad thing.

"You make a very strong argument for that. You are the very best, and if you're with me, I guess I gotta kinda accept that I deserve good things." It's a start, right?

As for what she wants him to promise her, he tilts his head, scrunching his face a little, but then he nods, reaching out to slide his fingers along hers, "...Alright. I can try to do that to the best of my abilities. Anything else? I think this is helping."

Date: 2024-08-13 05:37 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (3769600-5)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
He's not really joking about it at all. He's trying to be real about it. To show her that he can try. He's willing to try, because she's right. Not wanting to do this because of how he feels about himself- it's wrong.

"Thanks." He hasn't even started his mac and cheese yet, he's been so nervous about this, and it might have to hold off for even longer when she mentions forehead kisses and he reaches out for her hand. "Come here."

OMG DID U SEE THE THUNDERBOLTS TRAILER

Date: 2024-08-13 09:22 pm (UTC)
endof_theline: (3769600-3)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
"Like this." Once her hand is in his, he runs his thumb along her skin, but then he tugs her closer and sits her in his lap, then leans in and kisses her forehead. "I think I can take on this duty."

Is he being suddenly too forward? He hopes not. She's making him feel a little more confident and courageous with it, though. "Just for starters."

I had to get my Bucky and Yelena crumbs lol

Date: 2024-08-13 09:32 pm (UTC)
endof_theline: (17298994)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
"Glad you think so." Now that she's here in his lap, looking all flushed and shy, he feels it a little too. But she's always been good at this. Getting him to step out of his comfort zone.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure I don't hold back with my forehead kisses." She curls up against him, and it's so... nice. He hasn't felt anything like this in a long time. Hasn't let himself. Maybe with Yelena it's time to let go. Of course she takes it a step further and it makes him nearly choke, but it dissolves into a nervous laugh. "Ah- I guess it's as good a time as any."

Going in pure is also good tho!

Date: 2024-08-13 09:52 pm (UTC)
endof_theline: (0o113uj)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
When Yelena touches him, there's no freaking out. It feels comforting and warm. And now that he knows he can let himself feel more than that, he wants to open himself up to it- or at least start to. Truth is, kind touches have always been hard to come by for him, and he figures it's been the same for Yelena too.

"I bet you do." It's a little awkward, thinking that she might be thinking of him naked right now. He tries not to let it get to him though. Yelena is honest and he likes that about her.

He lets his real hand slide back into hers, bringing her fingers up to his lips to kiss them. "Maybe we can start with this- and some dinner. And we can talk about things."

Date: 2024-08-13 10:36 pm (UTC)
endof_theline: (5ouSYSM)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
It's not his favorite thing either. Not by a long shot, but she dragged it out of him so yeah- maybe she's stuck with it now. As much as he likes her, the whole naked talk is still a little too much for him, so maybe the relationship talk is better. Besides, she's so good at it.

"Alright, well- no. I'm not gonna make you leave your comfy seat. But I do wanna try this mac and cheese you made. Grab your bowl and hand me mine. We can both eat right here, like this." Compromise, right?

Date: 2024-08-15 03:27 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (17298994)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
He takes the bowl from her, smiling as she curls up again so easily. This is nice. He's not so damn nervous anymore. At least for now. He finally eats some of the mac and cheese, giving her a nod.

"Oh, this is good. You don't even know how much I like mac and cheese. It's- very nostalgic. Used to cook it with my ma all the time." He doesn't talk about his life before a whole lot. Barely at all, actually, so this is definitely something.

Date: 2024-08-17 11:53 pm (UTC)
endof_theline: (3769600-8)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
"I did not know that," he says while looking at her, both amused and entranced. He could really just sit here and listen to her talk for hours. He prefers it over talking about himself, or old times. It's all about the here and now.

"I've never had it with hot sauce before, though. Thanks for making this for me." Especially not knowing how this conversation would go. "You know- I was real nervous."

Date: 2024-08-19 02:29 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (17103611)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
He has to laugh a little at that. It's very, very sweet- and so is her smile. "You are truly wonderful, I hope you know that." She makes him feel warm and wanted. Not just a thing, a weapon, a ghost. He just hopes he can be there for her too.

"You're not scary. You're- outgoing and confident. You're this beautiful, lively force of nature that... I dunno. I just hope I don't diminish in any kinda way." He reaches out to brush her hair back. "I'm- a mess. I haven't been good for anyone in a very long time and I'm nervous that I won't be good at any of this with you- and I want to be. I really want to be."

Date: 2024-08-20 02:12 am (UTC)
endof_theline: (17102929)
From: [personal profile] endof_theline
"Okay, yeah- when it comes to professional business you can be very scary." But that's different from personal stuff, isn't it. She'd be right about their differences, though. He doesn't want to use the skills he has for everything, because they weren't taught to him, they were forced on him. He didn't learn them through his own hard work, they were tortured into him. He'll fight if he has to- he knows he absolutely will, but he doesn't think he'll ever be proud of any of it.

None of that helps with his confidence either.

"Thanks. That helps. Hearing it from you helps. And- you're right. We both have issues. You just seem so... sure of yourself. Like you know who you are and what you like. You know that you wanna be scary, but you still tell me all about your feelings. It's amazing." He wishes he could be more like her, pretty much.

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Yelena Belova

August 2024

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